With where my life is at, it's hard to not have a bad reaction to little things that I should have control over. I was trying to save money for something that was for my child that would just put a smile on their face. It would have been nice but I'll have to put that back a couple of month instead of two months. Than my ex was suppose to leave in like two weeks to try and get a job out of town at a friends' of his place. Now that has fallen though. I just want to get a job and have something be easy in my life and not fell like I have to fight for every single thing in the world that shouldn't be a fight. I have to fight to even breathe sometimes.
I have two sides to me. One side that is just like everyone else but the other side is more like a therapist. When something happens I feel like I'm staring at mirror and running all my probles down with a therapist and myself that is a therapist is looking back at me and having me run down how to fix all the problems in my life. That therapist is also trying to help me with facing the ideas of who could possible help. I really do hate that side of myself. It's more logical and I don't wnat to be logical, all I want to do is cry and not be alone.
I have been thinking about stop trying online dating because I keep having guys ask me if my sister has a boyfriend since I don't really have a good picture besides selfies and i add a picture of her with me on her birthday. I have always had low self-esteem and I know my sister is a prettier than me. I just wish someone would be like me.
I just want a better life for my child and myself. I know bring a man into my life right now isn't going to be that magical wand but it would make me a little happy if finding a job can't happen right away. This guy won't even meet my child for several months, so this guy wouldn't even haven't to think about supporting my child because I will do that with what little money I get from the state. I don't get child support at all.