I have been fighting with a light case of depression for over 10 years now. I keep trying to pull myself out but yet one small thing can throw me right back into it. I have been seeing someone for over year until my therapist disappeared about 3 months ago. I don't have the money and I don't have the insurance to cover it. I'm trying to remember all the things we went over in therapy but it just not working. The therapist told me to make small goals. Those small goals aren't working anymore because I can't make them happen. I'll list small goals:

1. Find a job (not a high paying job.)

2. Get a car (a new car to me, not a brand new car.)

3. Maybe get a new relationship going (not dating, just someone I can trust.)

4. Lost ten pounds (I'm close to 200 pounds.)

5. Get out of the house once a month (that isn't work or child related.)


Those are only small goals that I have set for myself, I just wish at least one of those goals would happen. I have had these same goals for a year now. I seem to get close to losing the ten pounds but it doesn't happen. I keep reaching out to make new friends or someone special but it doesn't work and I'm stick again at home. When my child was at school I would go every day to get them but now I just sit at home. I can't just keep running to the store to get something because that's just a quick run and I'm not really doing it for myself, I'm doing it for everyone else around my house. I don't have any friends to really go out. The guy I went on a date with last week, I think got busy with work and that's why he stop talking to me.

At least I did about an hour of punching bag tonight with basic punches, elbow punches, knee kicks and around house kicks.It feels good to do this type of work out but I get done with it and I start crying after I'm done. I just want to feel like my life is moving in a different direction than where it is heading.

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Comments (4)

  1. roe

    Dont despair. I suffered with depression my entire life…however, the last 2 years I was able to go from the dark places to the light and I wrote a book about it called, I AM HERE NOW. I have been posting it here. Please do not give up hope!

    July 20, 2017
    1. darlatownsend

      thank you. That’s what I’m trying to do. I’ll have to check out your book. Have you tried to get it published?

      July 20, 2017
  2. darlatownsend

    Yeah, the therapist wanted it to be more like short term goals for a couple of months. But thank you. I hope your doing better. I have never thought about a daily three list. I asked my psych (which I only visit once every three months for only a few minutes.) to give me something that is older on the market because my mother had an allergic reaction to newer meds. I wish the sliding scale would happen here but the cheapest place is $40 a visit and they always want me to come in 4 times a month. I can’t afford that. Thanks for the hug sweetie. Good luck to you too.

    July 03, 2017